


Le moi du toi (How did I get it right?)

by FLWhite



Series: Chamonix [4]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Bipolar Disorder, Epistolary, M/M, Manic Pixie Dream Boy, Mental Illness, Multimedia, Pining, Social Media, Sofimane, Text Messages, past Sofieliott
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-02-09 06:03:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18632296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FLWhite/pseuds/FLWhite
Summary: Ten years ago, Eliott Demaury met a boy named Lucas in the mountains, in winter, and has never forgotten him, though he now carefully holds the madness of that time at bay. Then, one day in the stickiest weeks of summer, that stranger reappears in the streets of his city...*just before I was diagnosedthere was this time I went to the alpschamonixI was going to climb mont blancnobody knew where the hell I wasanyway, I'm fine. it just feels like I'm waiting. for something. or someone.*Told through Eliott's text messages and private social media posts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zetaophiuchi (ryuujitsu)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuujitsu/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Le Toi du Moi (Lyon)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631066) by [zetaophiuchi (ryuujitsu)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuujitsu/pseuds/zetaophiuchi). 



> Companion to my darling [@hallo-catfish's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuujitsu/pseuds/zetaophiuchi) ["Le toi du moi (Lyon),"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631066/chapters/44180413) in turn a sequel to their marvelous ["Chamonix."](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162464/chapters/42952826)  
> Best to read that first/alongside, or the following may not make sense.

**Today, 13:10**

**Lucille**

How did the session with Michel go today? Did you renew the prescription?

**You**

all right. pretty much like usual. well, he told me to start journaling again.

yes. he lowered the lithium dose.

**Lucille**

That's good. Right?

And you like journaling don't you?

**You**

yeah I think so. I feel hungry for once :)

yeah. it's just been a while, I guess.

**Today, 13:18**

**Lucille**

Good. Listen, say hello to your folks for me. I have two exams Monday so I don't think I can come Sunday. Sorry to be so last-minute.

**You**

bah they'll understand, maître lucille, esquire.

**Lucille**

Haha, don't jinx me.

* * *

 

**Today, 14:44**

**Maman**

Well, that's great! You used to make beautiful journals.

**You**

...

ma

there was that one notebook I filled up only with the word polaris

remember

the bad year

**Papa**

What if you tried a web log, kiddo?

Aren't all the kids your age using those things?

**Maman**

An excellent idea, chéri!!! ❤

* * *

 

* * *

**Yesterday, 22:55**

**You**

hey so I finally got an Insta

**Today, 10:31**

**Sofiane**

Shit no way!

Sry replying late

was at gf's 😚

**You**

teach me how to do cool shit to my pics and I'll forgive you

**Sofiane**

You gonna add me or what

**You**

no it's secret

my secret diary

doctor's orders

**Sofiane**

OK weirdo 😆

congrats 😆😆

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**Today, 09:37**

**Antoine**

hey so how did it go w Freddie? she rly dug the sketches of urs I showed her

plus she's pretty damn fine eh?

**You**

hmm I don't think we got along

but it's not your fault

sorry

**Today, 10:25**

**Antoine**

aw don't apologize man

just been kinda a long dry spell for u is all

we wanna marry u off 😆

**Victor**

🤵🎂🥂

**You**

vicky you just wanna eat cake don't you

you can get your own cake

this isn't the ancien régime

**Victor**

Bah, bro, you know I'm trying to cut this winter padding! 😔

**You**

haha

I'm gonna cook tonight

that'll do you

**Victor**

Bro I wanna look good at the beach!

not be dead

* * *

* * *

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Yesterday, 20:01**

**Lucille**

Hey, are you ok?

You said you didn't sleep well?

**Today, 10:56**

**You**

no, I'm fine

a lot on my mind is all. sometimes I feel premonitions

**Today, 12:03**

**Lucille**

I have class until four and the practicum after.

You know what to do if you feel bad.

**You**

yes yes

got to go, lunch break

work's over the top lately

plus getting ready for the show

**Lucille**

Okay. Text me later tonight maybe? Just say hi.

**You**

ok. going to be at home with the guys by ten.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the clouds broke today.  
> light shone out.  
> honey on my tongue.  
> I have a good feeling.

**Today, 22:41**

**Victor**

Bro

broooo

Where the fuck are you

Thought we were gonna have a couple beers

 

**Antoine**

r u ok?

 

**Today, 23:19**

**Victor**

Come ON El

Where are you man

 

**Today, 23:25**

**Maman**

Chéri, where are you? Lucille just called and sounded worried. Please call us back.

* * *

 

* * *

 

**Today, 09:03**

**Sofiane**

Hey man how're you doing

 

**You**

good

great even

 

**Sofiane**

Wow that's unusually cheerful

you sound like Idriss almost

 

What happened 😄😄

 

**Today, 09:21**

**You**

I met someone

well I met them again

it's been a long time

 

**Sofiane**

😮

Sounds serious

 

**Today, 09:50**

**You**

maybe

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

**Today, 11:06**

**Victor**

Well well well M. Five A.M. Walk Of Shame

Are we ever gonna meet the lucky lady? 😚

Or gentleman 😚😚

 

**Antoine**

bro you'd be the worst thief in the history of the universe

how can such a skinny motherfucker make so much noise

 

**You**

ha sorry I thought I was being quiet

 

**Victor**

Spill, man. Where'd you take them to get so lucky

Take notes Tony 😁

 

**You**

the carnival at luna park

 

**Victor**

What the fuck!? No way

Please tell me you weren't hooking up with a high schooler

 

**Antoine**

...vicky if I took notes on this I'd look like a child molester man

 

**You**

not a high schooler

it was fun

 

**Antoine**

can't believe this

guess it takes another idiot to appreciate an idiot like you hahaha

* * *

 

**Today, 21:06**

**You**

hi there prof. bakhellal. when did sofiane tell he loved you?

 

**Imane**

Hi Eliott. Um, that's a bit random...?

 

**You**

no, serious question

 

**Imane**

Ha, you're such a weirdo!

 

**You**

are you going to answer though? when, and how did it feel

 

**Today, 21:13**

**Imane**

...

A long time ago. We were just sitting around one night. It wasn't a special date or anything.

Just randomly, honestly.

It felt good? I mean, now look at us, haha.

What, you're planning on making some love declaration yourself? ;)

**You**

maybe

**Imane**

Whoa!

Sofiane said you were being weird but he sure as hell didn't mention this!

 

**You**

well I didn't tell him.

I don't know. I fucked it up with this person before.

fucked up really badly

you two are the least fucked up couple I know

so figured I'd ask you

not sofiane

he'd definitely just brag and bullshit me

 

**Imane**

Haha, harsh. Accurate though.

Your parents aren't so bad either, no? You prodigal son, you.

Hm, I guess it's good to realize where you made mistakes before. Learn from them.

 

**You**

said like a professor for sure

 

**Imane**

Good night, Eliott. 🙄

* * *

* * *

 

  **Today, 14:58**

**Lucille**

Okay, can I come this evening to pick it up from you?

 

**You**

sure. don't forget to get me those lilies from the fancy place near you. the ones at the florist down the street from work looked half-dead. I'll transfer you the money.

 

**Lucille**

Three purple and three yellow you said? Are these for a project or what?

 

**You**

sort of

 

**Today, 17:20**

**Lucille**

Hey, sorry, the "fancy place" only had lavender roses. No purple lilies in stock.

 

**You**

what

unacceptable

I hope you screamed and threatened to sue

 

**Lucille**

Ha ha ha. Okay, I'll be there in a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back together, right?  
> Things are great, right?
> 
> ...there are a lot of chapters left, is all I have to say.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Earning that Angst tag...

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

tired of seeing us like two lands foreign to each other

and of giving our hearts to the ruins we leave

 

* * *

 

**Yesterday, 23:50**

**You**

there's something I've never told you

but I have to tell you now

I need your help

 

**Today, 00:02**

**You**

okay

you're probably out with imane

but I have to tell somebody

just before I was diagnosed

there was this time I went to the alps

chamonix

I was going to climb mont blanc

nobody knew where the hell I was

**Today, 00:18**

**You**

I met somebody there

total stranger

like one year younger than us

we—slept together

he called lucille afterward

probably I'd be dead if it weren't for him

**Today, 00:26**

**You**

anyway

he's the person I met again

it seemed really good honestly

really really good

I spent a night with him

 

**Today, 00:36**

**You**

and sofiane

it made me glad I was alive

alive to meet him again

I told him to meet me

any time this week

but he never came

I felt like it'd be the next day

maybe the day after

and then he just

just disappeared

 

**Today, 00:44**

**You**

don't worry I'm not going to do anything stupid

 

**Today, 01:17**

**You**

sorry for never telling you though

I mean clearly my communication skills are shit

all those nights I "crashed" with you

being a creepy dumb fuck

 

**Today, 01:23**

**Sofiane**

Whoa whoa man wht hapned

sry little tipsy

jsut got backhome

areyou okay?

 

**You**

haha yeah

sorry I left you like a novel

 

**Sofiane**

isthis guy the person Imanesaid you were giong to say I lovey ou to?

 

**You**

...

I said it already

ten years ago

then I went berserk on him

sorry

get to bed

sorry I blew up your phone

 

**Sofiane**

no you'er righttho

someetimes your communicataion is reallyshitty

but you gotballs man

like with us just hangingout like usual then bAM

kissing

dunno whts wrong with your dude

you're a fine kisssser haha

 

**Today, 01:40**

**Sofiane**

look man

yougot to tell ppl you lovethem

with your woords

 

**You**

well, I love you

 

**Sofiane**

I know, I loevyou too

lovee*

live*

godamit

you know I do bro

evne tho Imnot into kissing you

somebdy outthere will be

 

**You**

haha

yeah. thanks

night

 

**Today, 09:34**

**Sofiane**

fuck

Sorry I was so out of it man

are you okay?

 

**Today, 09:48**

**You**

don't be sorry

my bad honestly

and yeah I’m fine

 

**Sofiane**

No no no

I'm glad you're able to talk to me

and I mean it

Someone out there's going to love you like you deserve.

I mean it

 

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what did I do?  
> what did I say?  
> should I not have gotten my hopes up?  
> did I talk too much about myself?  
> I definitely did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papa Bakhellal is the best papa in every universe, but Papa Demaury is a close second.

 

* * *

 

**Today, 18:09  
Papa**

Kiddo, how have you been?

Haven't heard from you for a while. Mama is also a little worried.

 

**You**

I'm fine

just busy at work

you two always treat me like I'm ten years old

 

**Papa**

You know that's not it, kiddo. We miss you is all.

**You**

well we live in the same damn town

 

**Today, 18:15**

**Papa**

Something's wrong. You know you can always talk to us. You're always welcome to come stay. We promise not to ask you ten million questions.

Just one million.

 

**Today, 18:29**

**You**

I know, pa. sorry. a little stressed lately

 

**Papa**

It's okay. We love you, son.

 

**You**

love you too

 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Today, 10:35**

**Victor**

Hey dude, were you smoking last night 🍁🍁🍁

 

**You**

are you a narc now

or just watching too many cop show reruns

 

**Victor**

Wow, I'm just watching out for you.

Also at least let me in on some of that action next time.

 

**Antoine**

yeah what's been going on with u man?

oh yeah I had to dump the flowers in the kitchen, they were getting fucking mangy 🤢

petals all over the counter 🤢🤢

 

**Today, 10:47**

**You**

just this mural in the park, it's a fucking nightmare

plus the show

sorry guys

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

* * *

  **Today, 12:20**

**Idriss**

yo yo yooooo

what are you doin for fête nat 🎇

& when the hell are you gonna come up to paris again??

 

**You**

when the hell are you gonna come visit back here

that's my question

 

**Idriss**

aw don't be bratty

prof. imane is plenty bratty on her own 🤣

 

**You**

hahaha

 

**Idriss**

probably not till end of the year 😔

 

**You**

your mom is probably telling you to come back every day

honestly what the hell's wrong with you two

if I could eat your dad's cooking every day I would never have left their house

 

**Idriss**

😜 bah

they'd have kicked you out after tattoo #1, dumbass

 

**You**

gotta get back to work here

 

**Idriss**

the show? you gotta send pics

 

**You**

you've already seen most of them!

 

**Idriss**

crayon doodles on napkins don't fuckin count

hahaha 😆😆😆

ok good luck man

 

**You**

thanks

* * *

 

**Today, 21:41**

**You**

I gt to tell you smthing

sorry shuld've sooner

 

**Lucille**

What's the matter? Where are you?

 

**You**

outside my uilding

I met him agian

Lucas

 

**Lucille**

what?! Wait, can i ;call you? Shoauld I come over?

 

**You**

no, it's okay I just threw paint on him

 

**Missed Call from Lucille**

 

**Lucille**

Eliott, come on, waht is going on??

 

**You**

I tol d you, I'm okay, I jsut threw paint onhim

he lives in lyon now

we spnennt the night togetehtr like two weeks ago

then he dissapearedd on me

don't knoww hy

got mad, threw paint

haha now it's all kinda funny

 

**Lucille**

Shit, Eliott, I'm comign over. Are you drinkig?

 

**You**

no odn't

no

just ctying

crying*

only a litle

 

**Lucille**

Are you sure??

 

**You**

I don'tn need you lucille

maybe I'm crazybut Im still a fucking aduilt

 

**Today, 23:03**

**You**

hey

lucy

I'm sorry I said that

went too far

an adult but not a very good one

 

**Lucille**

Are you still outside?

 

**You**

no

in my room now

 

**Lucille**

So why did you throw paint on him?

 

**You**

I don't know

...

no, sorry. because he had a girl with him.

because he said I was nobody.

guess that was stupid

too late now

 

**Lucille**

Well it makes sense to be upset he was with someone else.

What did he actually say?

 

**You**

haha count on maître lucille, esq. to zoom in on the words

he said "this is eliott, a friend"

 

**Lucille**

That doesn't sound like you're _nobody._

But I'm sorry, El.

Maybe it's for the better.

 

**Today, 23:12**

**You**

maybe

* * *

 

**Yesterday, 22:27**

**Unknown number**

dearEliottt, I havenr'ta forgotten you

I'm thinkg of you everymintue.

I wantto see you.

Thigns ended with Chloé.

She didtnt thrwo anythign on me

Paint, water, wine or cofffee

 

**Yesterday, 22:28**

**Unknown number**

It's hotas hell in LYon in sumemr, isnt it

I hope yoru're well

soorry to whoever has thsi number now

**Yesterday, 22:34**

**You**

I'm by the mural

for a little while longer

if you really want to see me


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~~i tore my fucking heart out and gave~~
> 
> ~~what else do~~
> 
> ~~fuck you lucas~~

**Today, 05:08**

**You**

dont do thsi

please don't

I todld you Ive been gettingt treatmtn

youc an talk to my psyciahtrist

lucille too

please lucas

I leov you

Iloveyyou

I love you

* * *

 

**Today, 08:48**

**Victor**

Yo did you even sleep at all? I was hearing you at like five in the morning.

You wanna talk?

OK well I'm gonna leave you some toast

it's just outside your door

 

**Today, 09:51**

**Antoine**

bro

u okay in there?

this is ur final warning before I bust the door down 💪

whoever she is, he is, they is whatever

they aint worth this bro

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Today, 01:26**

~~i tore my fucking heart out and gave~~

~~what else do~~

~~fuck you lucas~~

~~fuck y~~

 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

**Today, 13:12**

**Lucille**

So I have some news for you. Stay calm.

 

**You**

yeah? haha wow drama

 

**Lucille**

Went on a date last night with someone new.

A girl, actually.

 

**You**

awesome

how'd it go

 

**Lucille**

You're not surprised?

 

**You**

should I pretend to be

hahaha

 

**Lucille**

🖕

 

**You**

hahaha that's cool though

 

**Lucille**

She said she was "recovering from heartbreak," from a boy. Drama.

So I don't know how it'll go, honestly.

Might just be a waste of time, and it's not like I have the time to waste with the CAPA so close.

 

**You**

_it is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important_

**Lucille**

Hmm.

Deep, Little Prince.

And how are you? Is the mural done, and the show prep?

 

**You**

ok

almost

~~I don't~~

~~maybe it wasn't such a good~~

~~maybe it's too~~

god I'm dying

not actually dying, just a lot left to do

michel says I should go back to the old dose

 

**Lucille**

OK, well, you should, then.

Try not to stress too much.

Have a little fun, it's a holiday after all.

I, on the other hand, have more cramming to do.

I'll see you at the opening!

 

* * *

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Today, 15:37**

**Lucas Lallemant**

Eliott, I'm sorry.

Can we meet again?

Just to talk?

 

**Today, 16:46**

**Lucas Lallemant**

Hey, I'm outside.

Can we talk?

 

**Today, 17:58**

Your mural is beautiful.

Please, can I see you?

 

**Today, 17:59**

~~if you're free i have a show~~

~~there's an exhibition i'm doing if you~~

**Today, 18:01**

~~i dnot think thats a good ide~~

~~we shouldn~~

~~lucas im sorry~~

**Today, 18:18**

~~maybe it's better if we don't meet again~~

~~maybe it's~~

 

* * *

 

 

**Today, 13:59**

**Lucas Lallemant**

Seven o’clock, la Mimolette.

I’ll wait for you.

* * *

 

**Today, 18:10**

**Maman**

Will you please wear something nice for the opening at least, chéri?

So we can have some nice pictures.

 

**You**

ma it's so not a big deal

plus it's the middle of the summer

 

**Papa**

Where do you want to go for dinner after?

 

**Maman**

At least something with a collar.

 

**You**

fine I'll take a look

anywhere is good, up to you two

went back on the higher dose so food isn't the most exciting

 

**Maman**

Oh my darling. It'll be good to see you.

 

**Papa**

I'll try to get her not to embarrass you too much, kiddo!

 

* * *

 

 

**Today, 19:23**

**Lucas Lallemant**

I was an ass, Eliott. Forgive me.

Please say something.

Please.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I shall not leave you. I shall not leave you. I shall not leave you.

**Yesterday, 16:41**

**Sofiane**

Remember to send us pics of the opening 👨🎨

 

**Yesterday, 19:28**

**Sofiane**

Bah Imane is yelling at me to yell at you

where are THE PICS

 

**Yesterday, 21:11**

**Sofiane**

dude what the hell

Where did you go??

Check your fucking phone 😲

 

**Missed Call from Sofiane**

 

**Yesterday, 21:28**

**Sofiane**

We're straight up calling your parents if you don't text us back

or the cops

 

**Today, 00:37**

**You**

hey sorry

was doing something

 

**Sofiane**

Or someBODY hein 😉😛

your ma seemed happy about him

this mountain boy

 

**You**

oh for fuck's sake you actually called her

 

**Sofiane**

ahahaha 🤣

Imane says to leave you two alone hahaha

Good luck man

remember to use the words

 

**You**

ha thanks

I will

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

**Today, 19:17**

**Lucas Lallemant**

Hey, I’m stopping by the Lidl on my way back.

Do we need anything?

 

**You**

hi I don’t think so

just your sweet little ass ;)

actually

maybe some milk

fennel also

your friend Manon sent me a new recipe

 

**Today, 19:29**

**Lucas Lallemant**

Oh no you don’t.

No more fennel after last time.

 

**You**

aww mean

 

**Lucas Lallemant**

If you killed me with your cooking

who would put away the fucking laundry

Or dust?

 

**You**

<3

thanks for not letting the dust creatures get me

 

* * *

 

  

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please leave a kudos if you enjoyed these stories and feel free to leave us a message here or on our tumblrs ([me](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/xiangyu), [@ryuujitsu](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hallo-catfish) ).


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